The Gazeebo

A Poet's Place

The Gazeebo: Starting the Climb Again

Hey everyone! Not sure if anyone still reads my blog, but if you do, I’d love a comment or a like for this post. If you do have something to say, I will be more than happy to reply! 🙂

Anyway, earlier this month, I went into a dip again (which basically is me going into a depressive state). If you have been reading my blog, you probably remember me saying at least something about me having been bullied in my life. Well, one of the after effects for me is dealing with dips and a whole roller coaster of emotions (I’m pretty sure I’m bipolar, but I’ve never been diagnosed). One of the ways I deal with it is by writing pieces like this that I’m posting here for you today.

On another quick note, in relation to my emotional state and writing, I’ve started a book that shall be titled “Teacher’s Pet, and Other Fun Names.” It will be a semi-autobiographical novel, where I will be writing in a point of view where I’m telling the reader about the main character (who will go through several similar experiences in relation to bullying that I went through), as well as about other characters who will go through various bullying experiences. Also, I’m going to be focusing on the main character in relation to the after effects of bullying, because this is a subject that is often ignored or just not observed by those doing research, despite it being a legitimate issue in the lives of several people who have been bullied.

Due to me writing about other characters’ bullying experiences, I invite you to tell me your story via a comment below or via an email to jmcdlungren@yahoo.com. There’s a pretty good possibility that I’ll include it into my book if you give me permission to do so (though if you do, I don’t want to use your name, so I suggest you also tell me three different names that you’d like for your character to be called). Thank you! 🙂

Anyway, here’s the poem, and if you like what you see, I invite you to click that subscribe button, follow me on Twitter (via the link on the right, or find me: jmcdlungren), and/or maybe even like my page on Facebook (via the link on the right, or find the page entitled Jesse McDowell Lungren). 🙂

“Wisps of Clouds and Jet Streams”

May 25th, I’m beginning to see brighter skies,
light blue with wisps of clouds and jet streams,
the sun shining down as seasons show early signs of
change over the Arizona desert; the place I call
home.
20 days, the amount of time since I began my dip,
these last few allowing me to float on calm waters,
in a well weathered craft,
with every breeze threatening to
sink me.
10 days, I’ve been out of the storm,
free from the torrents of wind,
the unexpected rains,
and blinding flashes of lightning,
having found a fellow vessel pushing through, and finding the
North Star gleaming through the dark nights.
24 hours, I had spent in the South eye wall of the hurricane,
salty drops of rain falling around me,
much like the ones sliding down my trembling cheeks
from blood shot eyes,
forty foot waves trying time and again to destroy me.
18 days, the time that has gone by since I cut ties with you, taking back my acceptance of your apologies, because what are they worth, truly? You continue to mock me with your monkey of a friend, that abusive piece of shit that is dating a person whom I used to consider one of my best friends. You continue to laugh whenever you think about me, so how much can you regret what you’ve done or be sorry for the pain you caused me or for the hit on my mental and emotional health I have to deal with today? And how can you speak of God, as if you know Him? As if he’s blessed you, because if God stands by you and those that turned my life into what it is, while I just push through and keep hoping that I continue to see clear skies, rather than experience storms around ever corner, then I have little desire to meet God.
But, as those who truly love and care for me have said, God works in mysterious ways and if he’s created this path for me, I shall continue to push through and fight back the tears that well up in my eyes. And I shall not let you, or anyone else like you, beat me because this isn’t the end, and I will find the shore again, and I will climb again. And no matter how much the winds blow me down back into the storms, I will fight and continue to search for the reason that I’m here, because I wasn’t put here to just give up in the dead of the storm. Because I was created under God by human hands: the rough, callused hands of a cabinet maker and the gentle hands of a life long caregiver; one pair teaching me to work hard and never give up, the other pair teaching me to always care for those around me and always try to help even during times when I’m the one who needs help.
So, I’m here to tell you –
I’m not yet ready to forgive.
But you, and everyone like you,
Will hurt me no longer.

© Jesse McDowell Lungren

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May 26, 2013 - Posted by | Your Lungren Originals | , , , , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. +1

    Comment by Jacob | May 27, 2013 | Reply

    • Okay lol I’m assuming you like to use Google+ and you’re saying you like my poem?

      Comment by Jesse McDowell Lungren | May 27, 2013 | Reply

  2. Also +1 :p

    Comment by Freddy | May 27, 2013 | Reply


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